"Operation Funk in my Trunk"
November 13, Vol. 5
So, I am a month away from
heading back to the states. The past two months have really flown by. Thanks to everyone who continued to e-mail me throughout my tour, it kept the days going by quick. I will be posting one more sandbox news publication after this one before my return
home. Hopefully by that time I will have seen a camel.
I have finally been given
a call sign. Now I tried my hardest to get Iceman but unfortunately it did not
pan out. I kept on throwing Ice at the other pilots in hopes that they would
start calling me Iceman. The plan, although well thought out just ended in utter
disaster. I was however called other choice words and they always ended with
the statement “why are you running away”. It was time to initiate
plan B.
I then started pulling practical
jokes on people in an effort to get the “Joker” call sign. I unfortunately
started pulling pranks on the biggest guy here. Like the time he and one of the
other guys were putting up this extremely big dry erase board and he asked me to eyeball it to make it level. I just kept on saying “Lower on the left.” as they struggled to keep it pressed to the wall. When I finally said “perfect” they screwed it into the wall. They took a few steps back to admire their hard work. It was
then that the statement “Why are you running?” came back into play. I
was finally caught and thoroughly motivated by a proven tactic called “punching” that I had not done a good job
eyeballing. I kept dodging and screaming,” Great joke, great joke.”
in hopes that they would put two and two together and name me Joker. Unfortunately
plan B also crashed burned and bruised.
It was during
what I like to refer to as my healing period that I thought about what other strengths I may have that would give me a great
call sign. I finally had one that might produce a great name but also had the
ability to get back at the guys for all the morale beatings I had received for my other call sign attempts.
Initiate “Operation
Funk in My Trunk.” I was hitting the Taco bar and eating all the beans
broccoli and cabbage I could find before my next flight. Now, there are always
casualties in every operation and unfortunately for my roommate he was one of them a lot.
For our flights we have to get up extremely early in the mornings to get ready so it is always customary for the roommate
not flying to be a quiet as he can be when entering the room as to not disturb the flying pilot while he sleeps. It was during the first night of “Operation Funk in My Trunk” that claimed its first casualty. My roommate slowly opened the door and stuck one foot in before coming to a complete
halt. He stood there for about half a second before quietly uttering, “Sweet
Mother of God”. I could not contain my laughter at that point.
Now onto the flight portion
of “Operation Funk in My Trunk”. Here is a little lesson in flying
for you that you may not know. As you go higher in altitude your insides are
at a higher pressure than the outside air. So the resulting outcome is that the
higher pressure will go to the lower pressure. Here let me write out the formula. Bean, broccoli, and cabbage filled body + increase in altitude = Tears, screams
from small children and possible dead animals and unfortunately morale beatings on why it’s not cool to do that.
There is possibly
nothing funnier than seeing someone’s head rip around in your direction with utter terror in their eyes after what I
like to call “being punched in the nose by a stink bomb” Copywrite 2007 Stephen Pyles patent pending. It was my own personal victory that lasted over five hours worth of flying. And thus after two months of morale beatings and failed attempts I have finally been given my Call sign.
“Operation Funk in
My Trunk” Outcome: success.
I am looking forward to getting
home to play some paintball. If I happen to see a camel in the next month I will
put up a camel sighting alert and let you know all the things I find out. That’s
all the news from the battlefield. Till next time.
Stephen “Biohazard”
Pyles
