November 1, Vol. 4

Ok, so it has been two weeks since the last Sand Box News publication.  Now, I have been getting requests to get this out in a timelier manner but I have
yet to receive any sort of compensation for my witty writings.  So as of now
you can read sand box news for the low, low price of $19.95. But wait that's
not all, you also get various pictures of me in awkward situations
guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.  If you stop reading now you only owe
$1.50 but you will be missing out on relevant information you need to know
to keep you safe like : tips on growing beards and camels. Still have not
seen one but I was told by a reliable source never to touch their hump.
Please send cash or money order to address above. Sorry No COD.  +$7.95
shipping and handling.  Now, onto the good stuff.

Well, I made out pretty well for my birthday. I received lots of e-mails and
lots of goodies.  Thank you to everyone who took the time to send something.
I did however receive probably one of the best gifts that a 4 year old girl
could ask for.  Let me tell you the story about how the "Pony" came into
play.  After I married my wife Catharine My Mother in law asked me what I
wanted for a Christmas gift and me being the child that I am immediately and
excitedly asked for a "Pony".  I never got one as a kid so I figured I would
hit up my new mother in-law to fulfill my childhood dreams as being the only
kid on the block that had a "Pony".  Never mind that I was 23 at the time.
So, for Christmas I opened one of my gifts to find that I had gotten a "My
little Pony" Christmas ornament.  Um, close but no cigar.  I was immediately
beat up by the neighborhood kids for having it.  It was sort of my fault
though, I should have not taunted them while I was in the front yard trying
to learn how to ride the dang thing..that and I should have dismounted when
they started chasing me.  Long story short I have received a "pony" every
Christmas after that. 

Now, my Mom not to be outdone by the competition of my mother in-law decided
that I should also get the crapped kicked out of me in Iraq.  Thanks Mom.
So far she has sent over three "my little ponies" that well I don't know
exactly how to say this but have scratch and sniff butts.  One smells like
popcorn one is bubble gum and the third is birthday cake.  Now, I would say
that all the other pilots don't like them one bit mainly because they are on
my locker where everyone who comes in the office can see them but I have
caught them from time to time picking one up and smelling its butt.  Now
comes the good part.  For my birthday I was expecting another pony package
from my Mom. The box I got from her was way to large to house a pony so I
thought for sure I was safe.  When I opened the box I was shocked to see one
of the biggest "My little Pony's" I have ever seen.  As I took it out I
heard one of the guys say "My God that can not go in here".  It's up on my
locker as we speak.  The only way I was able to keep it was I kept saying "a
lot of the people at the paintball field signed it for me, cool hugh."  I
now have a list of names that I will get revenge on when I get back.  Oh,
and to top it all off the "Pony" sings and moves it head, mouth and tail.
Every so often the "Pony" will burst into song but no one claims that they
actually had anything to do with it.  I did get quite a few laughs when
reading my messages on the Pony.  One said that I should strap it to a
rocket and the other one was from my cousin Sarah, stating that "no matter
how old you are nipples is a funny word".  And yes, a couple made me laugh
just based on where the message was put like Dave, Kelly and Little
Michaels.  I am not going to tell you where they were put but if you know
the three guys you probably have a good guess.

On a rather sad note, I am no longer a member of the OAB (Overly Bearded
Americans) or the BCA (Beardome club of America).  Founded by Alan McDonald
and Michael Lain. I shaved off the fur on my face.  It just got to hard to
maintain with the shampoo, conditioner and blow dry routine every morning.
Also, it was not working well with our oxygen mask in the plane. Alan and
Michael, can I get my November monthly dues back? I was however in the
Mullet Chops Association for 2 days.  It looked pretty cool but people kept
asking me where I parked my Harley.  And if you guys have seen my techniques
on the paintball field you know that I am fast and dangerous.  Good for
paintball not good for Harley riding.  Plus, I scream like a girl when I
play paintball, which does not look cool at all when riding around on a
Harley.  I would say I am into looking cool but, I have a singing pony on my
locker.  I was actually cornered by a Hajhi Biker gang that said "We have
seen the pony, shave the chops."  It was kind of my fault, at the time I was
driving a white van with a pink pony in the front seat with me while
listening to rap.  Yeah, I am that cool. Actually all the above reasons on
why I shaved it are false, my wife made me.  I guess I do deserve the pink My
Little Pony's after all.

Thanks again for all the stuff for my birthday, it meant a lot. Well, that's
all the news from the battlefield.  Till next time.