Sweating to the Oldies and Smelling Pretty
Well,
it is yet time for another addition of SandBox News. As you can tell by the heading of this masterpiece I have great news
coverage of… well absolutely nothing. So let us not waste any more of your time and delve
right into it.
So I am doing spin class. If you are not familiar, it is a torture technique invented
by the Greeks using bicycles in which one man “Instructor” has you ride a bike with different sets of resistance.
It does not sound that bad but it last for a full hour and the Instructor keeps on saying “Come on you can go
faster!!” while mostly looking in my direction. After my first session I looked down and thought
a large size dog had wet on the floor around my bike. I have never sweated so much. It is a comical setting
though, 40 people getting yelled at while flailing there legs as fast as they can, going absolutely nowhere while looking
around and nodding to the one another as a sign of “keep it up” while saying to themselves “What the $&*#
am I still doing here, the door is right there, only idiots would keep doing this!!” My next class is tomorrow afternoon.
As you know I love a good joke played
on me or some other unsuspecting person. It’s a good time and seems to raise moral or in my case
welts. Well this time the prank was played on me. The crew and I had an early morning
flight and headed off to the office after our brief to get our gear and head to the aircraft. Upon entering
the office I noticed a smell that could only be described as a Dollar Generals perfume counter, a dilapidated quarantined
Dollar General. The only thing that came out of my mouth was “What the heck smell’s so pretty”.
After wandering around the room we started to hone in on the pretty stink. It was in fact coming
from my locker. Some one had the bright idea that they would spray cheap women’s perfume on my flight
bag. The only problem with that was that this stuff was the most potent perfume I have ever smelt. So potent in fact that
it could have no way ever been tested on animals because the application would have paralyzed it and then burned a hole right
through the thing. It not only covered my flight bag in its unholy glory it also permeated into the bag
and latched onto my flight helmet and oxygen mask. So for over six hours I flew around smelling like I
had bathed in Calvin Kline’s new fragrance “Polished Turd”. If that was not bad enough
I had to go to the cafeteria with my head still smelling of the stuff. Sitting at the table was fine but
the standing in line with people looking at me saying in their heads “Hey is that the guy with the ponies wearing the
perfume polished turd?” was a total beating. On a side note you know your roommate has official been
here way to long when you enter the room and he mutters “You smell hot.”
On the RC front, the helicopter made its initial Iraq flight of 5 minutes
and then I crashed. $30 dollars later and I should be able to crash it again in no time. I have made numerous
flights on my RC airplane but had to do a chop and drop landing today because a Chinook helicopter was flying right at me
about 50 feet off the ground. It was pretty cool because the door gunner waved as they went by. I waved back but I realized
he was waving his hand in front off his nose. Thanks Calvin Kline, thanks a lot
That’s all the news from the battlefield.
Till next time.
Stephen “Biohazard” Pyles
